Sometimes, the worst conditions can provide the best learning experiences if you’re willing to let go and open yourself up to the opportunity. My first experience with newaza, ground grappling, epitomized this lesson. A black belt pulled me aside, instructed me to lie on my back, and without further guidance, he got on top of me and simply said, “Escape.”
For what felt like an hour, but was probably only a couple of minutes, he proceeded to crush, smother, and strangle me to the point I thought my head was going to pop off. I didn’t escape. But I learned a valuable lesson: it wasn’t just the realization that I needed to learn how to escape, but that I needed to become comfortable in uncomfortable positions. The more comfortable I became, the less likely I was to freak out and do something stupid.
Embracing Discomfort
Training in uncomfortable conditions pushes you in ways you might not be used to and serves as a great teaching ground for learning how to keep going when things go wrong.
It will toughen you up mentally and physically.
I still purposely train in those so-called horrible conditions because I know that if I can get accustomed to the “bad” conditions, I will thrive in the “good” conditions.
The things is, you can’t wait for the perfect conditions to train, write, exercise, or start something new. You gotta get out there and do it—especially when it’s uncomfortable. Get comfortable being uncomfortable, and you’ll thrive when others fold.
Embracing discomfort isn’t just something we experience on the mats, of course. Raising kids, doing well in our work, and being a good partner to your significant other sometimes lead to uncomfortable situations.
When we learn to embrace uncomfortable moments and see them as learning opportunities, the situation improves for everyone involved.
That is because being forced to think on your feet and find creative solutions will enhance your problem-solving skills.
You become faster at getting out of those uncomfortable situations. And with time, recognize them beforehand so you can successfully keep them from happening in the first place.
Good for all parties involved.
Compare that to the person who crumbles under pressure. They become scared because they view the situation as a threat and either freakout or shut down.
This helps no one and only serves to make matters worse.
It is our responsibility to learn how to navigate situations in a way that serves and protects us. And we can’t do that if we haven’t learned how to become comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Wrestling With Confidence
I moved my family from Japan to the United States almost two years ago. My son had zero confidence in his language ability, was timid, and didn’t want to interact with the other kids at his school. While he practiced grappling with me when he was younger, he showed no interest in it once he entered middle school.
Which surprised me when he told my wife and me he wanted to join the middle school wrestling team.
Of course, we said yes! We encouraged him, but because he was timid, we secretly thought it would be a short-lived experience and that he would want to quit the team.
Boy, were we wrong.
After his first practice, he came home and said, “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I love it.”
Something inside of him lit up, and even though at first he didn’t understand the rules or even what his coach was saying, he embraced all the uncomfortable feelings.
During that school season, he went out there and only lost a single match.
I’m not writing this to brag about my son. Honestly, we thought he’d get dominated the entire season! But watching him show up to every single practice and meet, even though he was scared and confused, proved to us, and more importantly him, that getting comfortable with being uncomfortable leads to good things.
In his case, he gained confidence, made friends, and now isn’t afraid to speak to new people or try new things.
By the way, if you have kids, encourage them to wrestle. The practices and competitions are tough and will build confidence and resilience both on and off the mat.
This brings me to the next point: As parents and role models, we should also continue to build our confidence and resilience through our martial arts practice.
Yes, maintaining our martial arts practice can become more challenging when we have a family and responsibilities. As we get older, we tend to want to do less, not push ourselves as much, and chill more.
However, doing uncomfortable things doesn’t mean pushing ourselves at an intensity like we did when we were younger. It can mean simply continuing to show up and get on the mat. Working with other people our age to help push each other at a level that is good for where we’re at is crucial. We must let go of the ego and focus on doing the uncomfortable things but in a helpful manner instead of beating us down.
Sparring from a disadvantaged position, when done productively, is one of the best ways to learn to accept discomfort.
I say productively because many people just set the timer for free sparring and go balls to the wall. While that is fun, as I get older, I’ve found positional sparring, where you start in a disadvantaged position to be a better use of my time and energy.
I like to have a starting and ending point so that it doesn’t become a free-for-all. For example, start at the bottom, where the person on top is pinning you. Your goal is to escape and get out, either away or on top. The other person’s goal is to keep you pinned down.
Once you escape, it’s their turn. This back-and-forth for a set period of time can be a great way to improve not only your escape skills but also your breath control and overall spatial awareness.
Practice gradually ramping up the resistance while working on compromising positions. Pushing your limits outside of your comfort zone in a controlled environment improves your ability to remain calm and execute effective techniques under pressure.
And doing this also turns down the volume of life itself. Those little things that bothered you before seem quite trivial after a hard session of positional sparring.
That’s what we’re really after, in my opinion: taking the lessons from the mat and applying them to our lives.
A Checklist for Getting Comfortable with Discomfort
I always like to have things I can practice on and off the mat. So, here are five things you can do to practice becoming more comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
(1) Bring more focus to how you’re breathing.
How you breathe plays a huge part in how you move and think. Regularly practicing breathing exercises will improve your capacity to stay composed under pressure.
Try this breathing protocol two times a day, in the morning and evening, to improve your awareness of your breath and help calm you. Please don’t do this while driving or doing other activities.
Box Breathing
- Inhale through the nose for 4 seconds
- Hold your breath for 4 seconds
- Exhale through the nose for 4 seconds
- Hold your breath for another 4 seconds before starting the cycle again.
Start with 2 minutes and work up to 5 minutes twice a day.
Be sure to check out this article on other breathing methods that can help you remain calm and improve your performance.
(2) Positional Sparring
I’ve already mentioned this one above, but I want to add that it doesn’t need to be only on the ground. I also like to do this standing, where I’m connected to my partner and need to either escape or get a dominant position/grips.
Check out this article for more on constraint-led training with video examples.
(3) Cold Exposure Training
I will be honest with you: I don’t like doing this, but that’s probably why I should do more of it. Incorporating cold showers or ice baths into your routine is an excellent way to practice mental toughness and teach your body to handle discomfort. Start with short durations and gradually increase your exposure as you build tolerance.
One way I like to do this is to sit in the sauna for 3 minutes, take a cold shower for 1 minute, and repeat this process for a few rounds. Well, I don’t “like” it, but it sure as hell builds up my tolerance for being uncomfortable. 🙂
(4) Mindful Meditation
If you’ve read any of my articles before, you’ll know I’m big into meditation. If you haven’t started a meditation practice yet, please hurry up and start already!
Yes, it’s hard. But doing uncomfortable things is the point of this article.
Mindfulness meditation will improve your mental resilience and help you stay present and focused. It will also reduce anxiety and improve your ability to handle stress during training, competition, and everything else in life.
Start with a few minutes each day, focusing on your breath, and gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable with the practice. You can even incorporate the box breathing from above and get in both practices at one time—two birds, one stone.
Check out this article for more on meditation.
In Summary
Embracing discomfort isn’t just about building physical toughness; it’s about fostering mental resilience, emotional growth, and sharpening problem-solving skills. As we age, the tendency to seek comfort can be strong, but continuing to show up, train, and challenge ourselves appropriately can lead to immense personal growth.
Learning to navigate and even seek out uncomfortable situations will improve your confidence on and off the mat. It’s about letting go of the ego and focusing on growth in a way that supports your current capabilities rather than overwhelming you. This mindset shift can transform how you approach martial arts and other aspects of life, from parenting to professional endeavors.
Getting comfortable with the uncomfortable isn’t easy, but it’s worth it when we can apply the lessons from the mat to our lives.
So remember, Uncomfortable? Good.