Practicing empathy is something I still struggle with.
Yet, it might be the most essential trait one could have as a martial artist.
Regarding empathy in martial arts, I’m not suggesting we surrender ourselves to everyone’s demands and emotions. If anything, I suggest using empathy to help gain better insight into people and their true intentions so that we can focus on what’s best in the grand scheme of the situation.
This allows us to protect ourselves and still play our own game. Something I discuss in depth in this article.
The better we can take care of ourselves, the better we can take care of others. (“Take care of” having multiple meanings.)
Being able to grasp the reality of a situation quickly helps us make good decisions that lead to appropriate action, which is good for both ourselves and others.
One reason we train martial arts is to be as resilient as possible in both violent and non-violent confrontations. Sometimes, you gotta put your chin down, get in there, and fight tooth and nail. However, a lot of the time I see people thinking that every little thing should be a fight to the death. They let emotions dictate their decisions, and it leads to unfortunate outcomes.
Empathy can be a form of self-protection and incredible strength if you know how to use it.
Let me explain.
Dude, WTF!
Imagine you’re out shopping, minding your business, and a guy runs into you with their shopping cart. It hurts a bit, and you turn around to see what has happened. You notice a guy on his cell phone with his head down, obviously not paying attention to what’s happening around him. He finally looks up and, rather than saying sorry, just kind of looks at you and says, “What?” like you’re the one who did something.
At first, you think to yourself, “Dude, wtf?”
You feel like letting him know he was in the wrong. But instead of losing your cool, you take a second to remember that you’re in a grocery store, and chances are it wasn’t intentional. You then notice that he looks pretty upset about something, so you ask him with genuine concern if he is OK.
It turns out the bank just called him to say that they are foreclosing on his house. When his cart hit you, his “What?” tone was due to his shock and anger towards the bank, not you. But you didn’t know that.
The whole incident could have turned into a scrap right there in the supermarket. You might be confident in your fighting abilities, but fighting always results in both parties losing in one way or another.
How often have we seen conflict because of miscommunication and anger directed toward a second party? How many of those conflicts could have been de-escalated through a little empathy toward the other person?
Now, I’m not saying that you should trust everyone you encounter. You shouldn’t!
Never Let Your Guard Down is one of my personal rules and can have dire consequences when not followed.
Always protect yourself. And when things get real, and it’s go-time, attack with all you’ve got.
However, with practice, we can use empathy to see a situation for what it truly is rather than jumping to conclusions and making rash decisions. This can, therefore, help us de-escalate a potentially heated situation.
Empathy is a powerful lens through which we perceive others’ intentions, emotions, and ultimate objectives, allowing us to discern their endgame better. This heightened understanding equips us with the clarity to navigate conflicts and make informed decisions, particularly in high-stakes situations.
This helps us to calm our emotions and decide what action is the best response.
Like possibly walking away instead of punching a mofo in the throat. 🙂
Instead of succumbing to impulsive reactions, empathy encourages us to consider alternative responses, such as walking away or engaging in dialogue to de-escalate the situation.
Good self-protection also means empathizing with yourself. Do you really want to go home with a broken jaw?
Having empathy might seem like you’re weak in the heat of the moment.
But it helps you to be stronger, play your own game, and come out on top.
The True Meaning Of Strength
A well-balanced martial artist and human being should be both mentally and physically strong.
Through martial arts training, we acquire physical prowess and a heightened awareness of the responsibility that comes with such skills. Empathy allows us to recognize the delicate balance between assertiveness and restraint. It empowers us to discern when confrontation is necessary and, perhaps more importantly when it is wiser to step away from conflict.
By embracing empathy, we transcend the impulse to engage in unnecessary violence and opt for peaceful resolutions whenever possible.
This means being strong enough in mind and body to choose the appropriate response to any situation.
In my daily life, there have been so many times that I’ve lost my cool and said something I shouldn’t have. Simply to stroke my ego and make me feel better. I’m sure you can relate.
When it comes to martial arts practice, this happens all the time. Especially when sparring or rolling. When was the last time you thought,
What does my sparring partner need from me today?
That is a tough one to consider since usually, the only thing going through our minds is, How can I dominate this person today?
It takes a much stronger martial artist, both physically and mentally, to let go of a bit of ego to empathize with another trainee.
Just imagine how much we would all improve in training if we practiced more empathy for each other.
Playing your own game means also understanding what game the other person is playing. Getting caught in your ego-driven world blinds you to the reality of what is happening around you.
Practicing empathy in our training lets us see things we would have missed otherwise. This improves our decision-making skills in training and prevents us from overreacting to what our partners are doing. That practice will carry over into our daily lives when empathy will help us make good decisions when it really matters.
3 Ways to Practice Empathy
Let’s be honest; practicing empathy can be tough, especially in the world of martial arts.
However, like our martial arts practice, we should focus on simply getting a little bit better each day. That’s all we can hope for.
1) Become a better listener
In daily interactions and martial arts training, actively listen to others without judgment or interruption. Pay attention to their verbal and non-verbal cues, and strive to understand the emotions and perspectives behind their words.
Ask your training partner what they are working on, and focus on that when you’re sparring and rolling. You’ll also benefit from the focused practice; I’m willing to bet they will do the same for you next time.
2) Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Take the time to imagine yourself in the other person’s position. Consider their experiences, challenges, and motivations, and try to empathize with how they might be feeling or thinking.
If they are of a lower rank than you, remember what you were going through during that time. And don’t stop at just thinking about the martial arts side of things. Remember that we are all different, and each carries baggage in one way or another.
So the next time you train with someone, try to put yourself in their shoes.
This allows you to see where their weaknesses might be. And, rather than exploit them, help them improve.
3) Reflect on Your Own Emotions
Reflecting on your emotions is extremely important in growing in daily life and martial arts. Many men have trouble with this one, but remember that a balanced martial artist must be mentally and physically strong.
We want to avoid being triggered emotionally, so we remain calm and composed in stressful situations. Consider how your actions may impact others, and be open to feedback and self-improvement.
Mokuso can be one way to help calm one’s mind so that one can better reflect on your emotions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while empathy might initially seem incongruent with martial ferocity, seasoned martial artists recognize it as the cornerstone of true strength. It allows us to penetrate beyond the superficial layers of physical technique, delving into our opponents’ intentions, emotions, and ultimate objectives.
By cultivating empathy, we can move beyond mere martial proficiency, striving for a higher ideal where conflict is resolved through understanding and respect. Or know when we gotta punch a mofo in the throat 😉