Society frowns on the aggressive nature.
I argue that it is something we must cultivate and learn to master.
Learning how to deal with aggression shown towards us will prepare us for when confronted by it. Conversely, tapping into our aggression and using the appropriate level of aggressiveness for the situation allows us to handle those confrontations better.
I’m not talking about maliciously attacking without thought.
Losing control and attacking with rage leads to poor decisions and worse outcomes.
I suggest we learn to tap into that inner primary instinct of fearlessness in the heat of the moment. Combined with strategy, tactics, and clear-headedness, this gives us a better chance of surviving an attack—verbally or physically.
We will be afraid, but we lean on our confidence honed through practice to bring about a laser-like focus on surviving the encounter. Our training has led to this movement, and while there is no guaranteed outcome, we know that the only way to survive is to change the narrative from being the prey to becoming the predator.
Levels Of Aggression
The general thought regarding aggressiveness and the predator mindset is one of negativity.
I argue that aggressiveness shouldn’t be solely reserved for life-threatening confrontations. Levels of aggressiveness are needed for all areas of life, and we must know how to be aggressive using the appropriate level based on the threat level.
For example,
- Sticking up for yourself and not being bullied into saying yes to something you don’t want to do.
- Knowing when to turn it up or tone it down during a sparring match.
- Being able to turn the table into you becoming the predator during a violent attack.
If you do not practice mastery over these different degrees in training, you will ultimately be the victim and lose all confrontations in life.
My good friend Alberto Gallazzi discusses the idea of leading an aggressive life in his book Onset Mindset: Aggressive Mindset In A Defensive Society.
Alberto has dealt with and continues to deal with life-threatening situations in his work. I highly recommend reading his book to learn his thoughts on the matter.
Real World Example
A few years ago, I received a message from someone who wanted to train in martial arts. He asked if I could recommend any places in Osaka, and it turned out that he lived very close. Naturally, I asked if he wanted to meet up and train together.
He had some exposure to grappling but got hurt during the brief period of time he studied BJJ.
Even though he was very tall and strong-looking, he lacked self-confidence and displayed little aggression at the time.
Mind you, lacking self-confidence when first starting off in a martial is common. And you might think that having zero aggression is a good thing. However, the lack of aggression was the primary factor holding him back from progressing and enjoying his training.
Initially, we spent the first few sessions simply working on desensitization drills.
One drill we spent a lot of time on was ramping up the intensity where you push a person, and they push back.
*Sign up at the bottom of this article for the Juyukai newsletter, and I’ll send you all the videos in this series.
Of course, you start off slow and gradually ramp up the intensity of the push. This allows you to feel and accustom yourself mentally to being pushed and gauge how much energy you exert when pushing another person. You learn other factors, like balance, posture, and breathing. However, the primary purpose of this drill is to train the mind and get used to people “laying hands” on you.
If you don’t have a grappling or contact sports background, chances are this will not feel natural. Your brain will light up from this initial encounter and enter fight-or-flight mode. You might tense and freeze up.
Desensitizing yourself to pushes allows you to keep the stress response to a minimum. And prepare yourself for what might be coming.
If you can’t emotionally handle a person shoving and pushing you around, you’ll freak out when the real stuff starts to happen.
Returning to my friend, he initially had difficulty pushing me with force. Psychologically, it didn’t sit well with him.
Over time, we gradually worked up to him being able to relax when I pushed him. And he was eventually able to push me with a good amount of force without being worried if he was going to hurt me or not.
You see, that’s the other side of the coin. Many times, it’s the fear of hurting another person that keeps us from moving forward on the mat and in life.
If we don’t learn how to use our aggressive side appropriately, we will always be scared of the “what ifs” in our lives.
That’s where selective tension comes into play.
Selective Tension
Selective tension means using the appropriate force at the appropriate time in response to stimuli.
The first time you used a hammer to pound a nail into a board, multiple examples of selective tension coincided.
- How tightly were you holding the hammer?
- How hard did you hit the nail?
- How tense was your arm that was holding onto the board?
- How focused were you on not hitting the hand holding the nail?
- How tightly were you holding your breath?
You probably didn’t consider that last one, but it plays a big part in regulating tension elsewhere in the body.
At first, you were nervous and even a bit scared. You’re more worried about not hitting your thumb rather than getting the nail into the board.
Now, completely flip things around and imagine a different scene. One of you going completely ballistic, screaming, and using every bit of energy possible to bring that hammer down to the nail.
Chances are you will miss the nail and hopefully not crush your thumb in the process.
This is too much aggression for what is needed for the job.
You need to find the middle ground where you use the appropriate amount of force to skillfully drive the nail cleanly into the board.
That only happens with practice.
It’s no different from anything in life that requires force and aggression.
To practice this form of selective tension, let’s reframe it as “selective aggression.”
Practicing Selective Aggression
Here are some ideas to help you tap into selective aggression while learning how to handle aggression toward you.
Remember, this is training. And training on the mats isn’t the same as what will happen in real life.
Real altercations are fast, dirty, loud, messy, and unpredictable. So don’t think that by only practicing these drills, you will be absolutely fine when the shit hits the fan.
These drills aim to help you better understand selective aggression and learn how to handle it.
First, a couple of ground rules.
- Find good training partners you trust who understand that it’s a matter of learning, not winning as things ramp up.
- No matter what you do, make sure that you do it in a safe manner.
- Escalate the intensity only to a point that helps your partner. If you see that it’s too much for them, bring the intensity down to a level they can handle mentally and physically.
I suggest starting with the pushing drill video that I shared above.
Once you get very comfortable with that, move on to the scream.
The Scream
As you push your partner, scream at them.
Go back and forth, upping the intensity of the push while gradually increasing the volume of your scream.
This will feel strange in the beginning but, at the same time, therapeutic. If you haven’t done this before, you’ll understand what I mean afterward.
You’ll probably want to go to a park or do this somewhere other people can’t see or hear you.
You don’t want anyone calling the cops on you. 😉
The Verbal Assault
While pushing each other, start throwing in verbal assaults.
This can touch on some sensitive subjects, so ramp up gradually.
Two things I see happen here:
- You’ll start laughing because of something they said
- Something will hit a nerve, and you’ll find yourself a bit shocked
The purpose is to desensitize yourself from any form of insult. Get to the point where it just slides right off of you so that the little things that once bothered you don’t.
In conclusion, there is a time to be calm and a time that calls for ramping up your aggression.
Practicing selective aggression will allow you to become better at responding appropriately to life’s situations.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Leave me a comment below or even email here. I will always send you a reply.
I love this Ryan. It applies in all areas of life, not just physical. But I do believe having a foundation of a comfortable relationship with physical aggression, both towards one and expressed by one, sets a person up for a more powerful way of being in life. Having done martial arts from about 10 to 25 years old and spent a lot of time pushing and being pushed around, it gave me a strong sense of confidence in my life, and that there was not as much of an unknown to fear in the context of physical attack. This is why I’m so glad that my son has taken to martial arts at the young age of eight. It will give him, a confident way of being in the world will extend beyond the physical domain. Have you ever heard Bo Eason talk about being the best? It’s one of the best talks I’ve ever seen, and this article reminds me of his high about being a predator. https://youtu.be/PSPT0uKDCY4
Thanks John! Great to hear about your son. Both of my kids have been doing martial arts with me since they were young and are on the wrestling team. I’ve definitely seen how they don’t let little things bother them compared to some other kids of the same age. I really believe full contact activities help in creating a stronger and more resilient person both physically and mentally. I haven’t seen that! Checking it out now. Thank you!
As soon as I saw the title, I immediately clicked. Aggression has been one of hardest things for me to tap into when it comes to BJJ competition, and bringing my mental state to that level needed to get going right out of the gate, as soon as the ref says go. It definitely has taken a few competitions to get a point where I know I can find that edge when needed. It’s still not second nature, and requires a build.
I played competitive soccer growing up, and I think the hardest thing to translate from a team sport to BJJ has been that it ultimately comes down to oneself, and the ability to stay aggressive within your own mind.
I loved the breakdown you did on the levels – I think exploring which frameworks or methods to use to reach the levels aggression needed for a competition/match. Gotta read that book!
Thank you, Juan! Having the ability to keep going when you’re on your own is much an important trait. Putting ourselves in situations that allows us to get better at being comfortable in uncomfortable is key. Glad to hear you liked the breakdown. Cheers!